Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Domestic Bliss

That's what I am doing today. Domestic shit. Laundry. Vacuuming. Cooking and stock piling meals for the future. Spaghetti sauce, chili and Spanish rice. MM MM good.

I still need to clean the bathroom and do one last load of laundry. But because I have been hogging the good washer and dryer today, I figured I would let others in the building have a chance at them. Ain't that nice of me? I thought so.

It's been a pretty good week. Even though working out got a little off track. But T and I will be back at it tomorrow. I missed it. Work is going well.  I have my 3 month review coming up on the 21st. I feel it will go well. Yes. I have made mistakes but not big ones. Been sick a couple of times but then, everyone got sick and had to take different days off work because of it.

I had dinner and lunch with Chin this week too. It was a good time. He is a great guy. Has lots of great stories to tell and a great sense of humour. We didn't go looking at thrift stores this time so Chin didn't pick up the used underwear we seen last time.

T and I geeked out last night and went to see Stars Wars episode 1 in 3 D. It was amazing!! The pod race was so cool in 3D! I loved it! I remember seeing Star Wars Episode 4 in the theater in 1977. I think it was a classmate's birthday party.  All I really remember is being in awe of the big screen and the special effects. So cool.

I have been engaged in a furious poking war with my bff M and her sister's B and S. Hee hee! B S. So, far, I think I am winning. Though S says she is going to tell on me to her mom. But I'm not scared. (Well, maybe a little) But she started it!!

As you can tell, I am in a fairly up mood this week. I like it. I do still need to call and follow up with  my doctor on my appointment 3 weeks ago. I am tired of waiting. I want to get started. I want my life to start.

*The story has taken a turn for the worse*

So I took a break from writing on Sunday and never got back to the blog. It is now Wednesday and things have not been going well. Though today was much better.

Here's what's happening.

I called my doctor on Monday. Only to find out that I had been referred to a psychiatrist in Edmonton. So maybe not such a bad thing. He is one of the top shrinks in the country when it comes to treating trans people. I think what got to me was that I have a psychiatrist in town. And this new one is 8 hours away. And I would have to be "diagnosed" with "Gender Dysphoria".  That can only be done by this doctor in Edmonton. Or Vancouver but Edmonton is closer.

It's not that I was expecting everything to happen at once. I knew I was going to have to wait. Being "diagnosed" with something bugged the hell out of me. Like there is something wrong with me. It's been proven that being transgender is NOT a psychiatric issue. It's a medical issue. But that's besides the point. My point is, and I do have one, is the lack of answers I was getting. I realize that the staff here can not know all the answers.But at least direct me to a webite or something. "I don't know" doesn't cut it. This is my life we are talking about.

So, after venting to M and T and talking with my friend, J , by bedtime I felt much better. Well, maybe not much better but a little more calm. Last night I got a call from my psychiatrist  as well. Which surprised me. I guess my frantic calls to her office struck a cord. She asked me a great question. Why is it so urgent for me to do this now? Imagine being lost. Then all of a sudden, finding the path out. Wouldn't you be running to find your way home? That's what it feels like for me.  I just want the journey to start.

I was also told that I would have live for a few years (not sure how long) as a male in order to get surgery. Unless I pay for it on my own. My thought on that, I'm already living as a male. I do not protray myself as female. I do not dress as a female. I don't walk, act or talk like one. I have been preparing for this my whole life.

Today, I called the doctor in Edmonton. Well, his office anyway. I was told there was a 3 to 6 month wait for his office to even call me about the referal. Then it could be another 3 to 6 months beofre I am able to see him. Quite disappointing to say the least. The people at the office were quite helpful though. when I asled about resources available and what I can do here to prepare for the appointment, steps I can take here, before I see him. The nurse is going to get back to me. I feel good about that. 

I made a few new connections as well. Thanks to a couple of friends of mine who forwarded webites to me. I emailed questions and those emails were forwarded and now I have a few people I can ask questions and get the answers I am looking for.

Really. I just want to get to where I am going. Where I was meant to be.

Soon. I must remember to be patient.

What's love got to do with it?


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