Hi. It's me again.

So. Sunday afternoon. I managed to sleep half the day away. It felt glorious!! God I love sleeping. Maybe because I didn't do it for so many years. Before I was on sleeping pills, I can't remember the last time I had a great night's sleep. I was lucky if I slept for 4 hours without waking up. Then trying to fall back to sleep for 30 mins. Before waking up again in 2 hours. Made for a very restless night. Even now, I sleep for 5 hours at a time before waking up. But I fall back to sleep quicker. And I do into a deeper, more restorative sleep.

Enough my sleeping patterns. As fascinating as it is,,let's move onto other topics.

I start my new job tomorrow morning. I am a little nervous but mostly excited. I think it will be a good match for me. I will work around people but will still be mostly on my own. I like that. I will be learning new skills and taking on new challenges. That's the exciting part. More money will be awesome as well. WOW! I might be able to have a social life again. Go to the movies. Take my girl on a dinner date.

Ahhhh yes. My girl. It's been a while since I have been able to say that. But that's how I think of her now. Amazing how that works. The more we talk, the more connected I feel. Making me wait for 90 days is paying off. Getting to know each other first is the biggest turn on ever. Really it is. I guess I am finally becoming a grown up and realizing sex isn't everything. It's a big part of it but you had better be able to talk to your partner afterwards. Be able to sit at the dinner table and talk about the day's issues. If there is no mind connection, then the sex runs out quickly as well.  Miss "W" and I seem to have lots to talk about. I think it's because we are around the same age (Again, I am not telling you. Stop asking!!). We've been through our own hell and survived. It has given us our own unique outlook on life and how we want to live it. She makes me smile everyday. What more can I ask for?

I called my folks yesterday. Had a great chat with them. I sure do miss them. I would love just to be able to pop over for a coffee. Or to be able to help my dad out. He needs to put running boards on his truck. There is nothing like helping him out in the garage. It is our bonding time. We talk about so many things and he teaches me so much. About building things, fixing things and about being a man. The kind of man I would like to be. Whether I transition or not hasn't been decided yet. But I still want to be a good man. A strong, open minded, courteous, caring man. I love my parents so much. I try not to worry them. And I don't think I do. Not like my sisters do. I know that for a fact. Maybe it's because I try to be positive about everyday and everything. There is a bright spot in everyday. Sometimes you have to find it, but it's there. I discovered I was no longer happy at my previous job so I found a new one. I try and eat right and exercise (Stop laughing! I do so!) so I have very few health issues. I have wonderful, supportive friends (Thank you Tasha and Myrna and everyone else! Love ya!) I met a wonderful woman is supportive of the changes I am making. Really. Life is really good right now. So why call my folks and bitch about things I can't change? I'm a grown up. I can look after myself and all I need from my parents is their love. I don't need Mommy and Daddy to look after me anymore. I think my sisters have forgotten about that part. Whether it is asking Mom and Dad for money, or continually bitching about aches, pains, jobs etc, we were taught to stand on our own feet. And I have done that since I graduated from high school. Yes. They have helped me out once in a while but they taught me to pull myself from my boot straps and move on. Life lasts a long time. so you better learn how to roll with the punches and how stand up when you fall.

Wow. I had a lot to say today. Thanks for listening.

"Pretty pretty please! Don't you ever ever feel like you're less then f**kin perfect!"

Oliver

Thinking

So here I sit at home on a Thursday night. Listening to my Ipod and writing this blog. Oh and I am doing laundry, texting with "W" and cleaning here and there. I know. What a multi-tasker I am.

It has been a great week. Even though my sleep was off a little bit and it made me a bit grumpy, a few text messages from "W" put a smile on my face. Plus, getting a new job. That's pretty cool. It pays more money, is the same hours I am working now and I can walk to work. Plus, there is more opportunity to learn and move around. I like that too. And it is back in the safety field. I like that even more. Though I can't be a field medic anymore, I still want to be involved in safety. And this job is a great way to do that. I am really excited about it.

What ca I say about "W"? I like her a whole lot. The more we talk, the more we seem to click. She "gets" me you know? She understands. And she is more then willing to let me explore the new me. She even calls me Oliver. I love that! There is a vibe we are sharing that is pretty intense right now. She has asked that we wait for 90 days and even though it will be really tough to rein myself in, I think I can do it. I have a lot of respect for her and I think waiting will be good for both of us.

Of course, our second date is tomorrow and I am getting a zit on my chin. Dammit.

She is coming to my place to ccok me dinner. Wonder if I can talk her into cleaning for me too? MMMM??? Maybe not. But it might be worth a shot. I don't mind cleaning really. But I can usually find something else to do. Like trimming my toenails or trying to touch the tip of my tongue to my nose. Doing laundry sucks too. The machines in my building suck the big one.

Anyway, back to me. I am nervous about tomorrow but so excited too. This is a big thing for me. Taking things slow. Getting to know someone before go on to the next step. I usually do it the other way around. But i've discussed that already.  I am looking forward to snuggling on the couch while we watch movies. Then snuggling in bed. I love snuggles. I miss snuggles. Then I will us breakfast in the morning. I think just having someone here with me will be awesome.

I think I am ready for a grown up relationship. Or at least I hope so. it will be a brand new journey and adventure.

"He was the ghost of a texas ladies man."

Oliver