Moving on and new additions.

It's been a while. Sorry about that. How have you all been? I have been OK. A lot of different things going on with me.

I don't think Duff is coming home. And I am very sad about that. I loved him very much. He was a manly cat who was my precious sock monster. I am going to stop now because I get a lump in my throat thinking about what might have happened to him.

Since the energy has not felt right in my home with Duff gone, I decided to adopt another cat. Honestly, I did try to just have two cats but I couldn't do it. Three seems to be the magic number. And it had to be a boy cat. There is enough estrogen in the place now.

I did a lot of research and checked out my local SPCA. I was there several times and met a lot of different cats. I was torn between two different males. A part Siamese named Shogun. He has blue eyes that are slightly crossed. A very handsome face who gets along with other cats and likes belly rubs. The other is an orange tabby named Flaim. He is actually a light orange colour. Almost peach. Very affectionate. Gives head nuzzles and is just a tiny thing compared to my last orange tabby.

After much debate, I went with Flaim. Who I re named Boris. He seems to be fitting in nicely. There has been some hissing with the other two, but no fights. So I guess that is good. I thought I would never want another orange tabby after having to get Tang put down but I love them. They are a unique personality that seems to fit with mine. Oh and he is already neutered, had all his shots and has a micro chip. He has attached himself to me quite a bit. Follows me around the apartment. I like that.

Let's see what else?

I had my fist appointment with my new shrink. Dr.G. I think I like her. We actually had a conversation with her asking me questions. She gave me some insight and some things to think about. I see her again next month so I guess we will see.

I have a new great nephew. His name is Joshua. I call him Stinker. Little Stinker. He was born 5 weeks early and weighted only 4 lbs 10 oz. But he is very healthy. He is over 5 lbs now. They let him come home after only a week in the hospital, he was doing so well. He is trying to hold his head up and has great focus when you talk to him. He hates being wrapped up in a blanket and squirms all the time!  I am looking forward to getting to know him.

My niece, S, who is Stinker's Mom, is doing a great job at being a Mom. She has waited so long to be a Mom. I am very happy she finally has her chance. I love you Mouse! Great job!

My parents surprised me by coming through on the their way to Alaska with friends. Everyone was told no to say anything to me. Ha ha! I think my surprise in April was better. Doesn't matter. I got to see my folks. I got to hug them. and work gave me a day off to spend with my Mom. I love hanging out with my mom. We went shopping, had lunch, visited Mouse and Stinker. it was a great day. We had dinner with my aunt and uncle and my cousin's family. The older one made a couple of appearances. I spoke to her but really didn't make an effort. I have discovered that I really have no feelings towards her. I feel flat when I look at her or talk to her. It's the same with the other one. Just nothing.

Mom and Dad have been giving travel updates to the other two. None to me. I think it is a ploy by my mother to get the three of us to speak to each other. All they have done is text me with the updates. I say thank you and that's about it. I think Mom will just have to accept that the three of us are not going to be friends. That is all there is to it.

I have asked my sisters not to talk about me behind my back. If they have anything to say about me, they should say it to me. That, of course, hasn't happened. They still talk behind my back. I have been trying to just ignore it but it really does hurt me. Dr.G gave me some advice about it. "I can't control the thoughts and actions of others." I have already found that this is helping. Though I may have an initial blast of anger, I repeat that in my head and I calm down. I begin to think that they are allowed to be douche bags and there is nothing I can do to change it. I have to learn how to work around it. It will be a long process but I think it is doable.

The only thing that would make life a little better right now is to meet someone special. Admittedly, it would mean leaving my house. That's the hard part right now. I can't seem to make myself go out into situations that there will be strangers and I have no back up. Freaks me out. A lot. I can be all funny and flirty and suave. If I have someone with me. and it is usually Tasha. Tasha makes a lousy wingman. (Sorry Tasha. But it's true.)  I have been invited to Prince George to hang out with my friend J. I think I need to do that. Very soon. A weekend away. Where J and I can go and have a bro's night out.  My birthday is coming up. Maybe I will treat myself to a road trip.

Back to my new cat. Because I need him to bond with this home but it is still summer and fairly warm outside, I want to leave my windows open. So I bought some chicken wire and stapled it over the window. I thought this would be a good way to accomplish both. Turns out I under estimated Bean. She somehow managed to squeeze her way out. Maybe I missed stapling a portion or maybe she pushed at it hard enough to pop the staples, I don't know. All I know is she got out. So did Boris but something freaked him out so she came back in right away. Tomorrow, I am adding another layer of wire to see if that helps with my mini escape artist.


Somehow, Blogger lost most of the last paragraph . Sorry about that folks. I hope this makes much more sense now. 

Any words of adive about any of the topics I covered today would be awesome.

Cat scratch fever

Dustin

Life or something like it.

Before you start in on me, yes I know it has been 2 weeks since I have posted anything. You have to understand that it takes time to process things in my little pea brain. And translating those thoughts to words is sometimes very hard.

So, now that I have that off my chest, let's start the blog shall we?


Duff still isn't home. It's been about a month now. I think I have to admit he has been kidnapped by aliens who were passing through our universe. They stole him because of his steel grey fur and fabulous puffy tail. And because he looks so cute yoga sleeping.

  And of course, there is the whole sock pile thing.  Really? How could you not love a cat who loves the sock pile?


The other two cats have been keeping me well amused. Bean is my lean dancer. She stretches out incredibly long. And with her colouring, it looks like she is wearing pantaloons. She is also my little groomer. There is a spot on the top of my head that tends to get a lot of attention.

Ain't she cute??

And who could forget Fidget? She is all black and almost as wide as she is tall. She is a mighty hunter. Worms. Leaves. Dead bugs. Yes. With Fidget around, I don't have to worry about starving.  She is also vocal. I can have a conversation with her.  When she talks though, it sounds like you are pulling her tail hairs out one by one.  She also doesn't like jumping up on anything. She prefers to claw her way up. The couch. The cat pole. The bed. My leg. I have put the cat food up so she has to climb to get it.

See? As wide as she is tall.

OK. Enough about my cats. It is not helping my case that I am not the crazy cat person. I just love my furkids is all.

Oh. I do have to mention that one of them, (Bean I believe) brought home a mouse the other day. A live one. And let it go in the apartment. Then promptly fell asleep. I ended up having to buy mouse traps to catch it. Which I did. 2 cats in the house and I have to buy traps. *shakes head.* Stoopid cats.

I have been a bit (a lot) of a home body lately. Seems like when I am done work, I just want to come home and stay home. Even on the weekends. Last weekend, I didn't even go outside. I wonder why that is. I have always been a bit of a home body but this seems extreme. Maybe I will talk to my new shrink about it.

Yes. New shrink. I broke up with Dr.J last month. I have an appointment with a new one in Dawson Creek on August 8th. Hopefully, we will get along and start making some progress. Dr.J , of course, called me to "talk" about why I want to see someone else. I didn't want to tell her that I think she was making things worse or that she totally offended me. I told her that it just didn't feel a connection with her. That I didn't feel like it was working. And I am taking a pro active approach to my treatment. She sounded offended. Oh well.

I know I still need help. Not just with my transgender issues. But with a lot of things. One thing Dr.J did mention was co dependence. So I am reading a couple of books she recommended. Not sure if they are helping but I figure it couldn't hurt right?

I still haven't heard from the shrink in Edmonton. The gender specialist. On one hand, it pisses me off. But on the other hand, it is a good thing. It is really making me re think everything. There a lot of side effects with being on testosterone. More then I thought. I know about the hair growth etc. But there are some that scare the hell out of me. Aggression. Cancer.  And surgery. Whew. That's a big one. The cost alone is huge. Let alone how invasive it is.  Do I really need to put myself through that at my age? I know there are older people who have gone through it and going through it. I guess what I am trying to say is my gender was not something I really thought about. I ignored it as much as possible. I think what made me realize that maybe I didn't need surgery or injections to be who I want to be is my trip to Birdman's wedding. There, I was Dustin. Just Dustin. No questions.

I think I need to take a big step and talk to my parents. And talk to my boss. And let him know what is going on with me seeing a shrink. And to try and get them to call me Dustin. Or even Dusty. If the "maleness" of my name is too much. My folks is the hardest one. Mom already mentioned she didn't like the new one. I tried to tell her that I liked it and it suited me much more then my birth name. I don't think she understands. In fact, I know she can't. It might be too much for her.

(Time out. The Blue Jays are playing. It is bases loaded with none out and we are at bat. I'll be back.)

OK. I''m back. It is 14-7 for the Jays against the Red Sox. we scored 3 runs. Woo!!

Back onto topic. I may just have to accept that Mom and Dad will never see me for who I want to be. I will always be "Yvette" to them. The hard part for me is going to allow them to do that. And try not to cram it down their throats.

On a happy note, I seen an old high school friend in the grocery store the other day. She introduced me as Dustin to another person. My heart soared when she did that! Lew, I love you my pal! It was the first time in Fort St John I have been introduced as Dustin. It felt awesome! I felt accepted.

Even with all these things going on in my head, I feel like I am in a good space. Well. A better space anyway. I have my apartment set up in a great way. I actually have extra seating now. So I am planning a little Greycup party. Yes. I know it is not till the end of November. But having an apartment full of people is something I have to build myself up to. It's not like the old days when I was a medic and would invite a bunch of my medic pals over for a night of drinking and debauchery.

Actually. It was only two nights of debauchery. But what great debauchery it was! Remember Tracey?

That will be another blog post.

I promise.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Dustin