Saturday, December 3, 2011

And the verdict is,,,,,

Well. I guess that's that. Turns out Miss "W" and I want completely different things. She wants a boi toy. I want a relationship. I clearly remember telling her that on our first date. I was expecting a relationship after our 90 days of "getting to know each other". I'm not sure what she was expecting at the end of it. She wanted to be exclusive in dating. Fine. She wanted to wait for 90 days. Fine. That sounds a lot like a relationship to me.  Doesn't it?

I guess there are more fish in the sea. Or lobsters. I want a lobster. I know it can happen. It has happened to 2 friends of mine so I know it can. I just have to be patient. Good thing I like fishing. :)

My friend, "H" gave me a couple of great presents today. She gave me a calender full of pictures of trans men. So beautiful and inspiring. And she gave me a book on drag kings. She is so awesome! She always manages to find cool things like that for her friends. I am lucky to have her as my friend. Hugs "H"!

I am still loving my new job. Everyday I learn something new and everyday I am busy doing something. We got paid yesterday. I am getting paid more then they first told me so that made me very happy. Finally I can feel less stressed about money. I can have more of a social life. Especially now, a social life seems important to me. Trying to transition and all. I will be able to afford trips to Prince George, even to Edmonton maybe. I will be able to afford the things I need to make me feel more comfortable in my body. That makes me happy.

Ok. I don't get it. What is this "just want to have a good time" shit all about? Are you really that insecure that you have to be in charge of everything? Dictating how and when we will see each other? I don't get it. Maybe I am old fashioned or something but I think everything should be 50/50. I am glad that we figured out this issue before we went any further. I don't want to just be a play date for someone. Been there. Done that. Don't want to go through it again. I thought she heard me when I told her that. Maybe she chose not to hear me. I don't know. Sorry for jumping back into the Miss"W" thing with no warning. But really, it bothers me. I try to be honest and open. And I try to be heard, but somehow, I always seem to get bit in the ass. What the hell is it about me? I know I have to pick better women. I thought being with someone older would help with that. I guess not. Games are played no matter what age. Do I exude some sort of scent that draws unstable women to me? Not all have been unstable. But a few have been. I just can't figure it out.

Women. Sheesh!

"I'm not here for you're entertainment."


  1. Ah, but you are here for my entertainment. Now dance, clown, or you'll get no supper.

  2. You are who you are, the best that you can be and we love you always.