Saturday, January 19, 2013

What's going on?

I will tell you what's going on.

I am "out" at work.

My boss told my co workers about my transitioning this week.

And I am OK with that. It needs to happen in order to complete my Real Life Experience.  So far, the reaction has been.....well, minimal. Of course, it is only the first week. They are still thinking about it and absorbing it. As time goes on, who knows what will happen. But because the BOSS told them, it shows his support of me and will keep the bullshit down. They are not calling me Dustin yet. And that is OK. It will happen. I want to let the whole thing sink in for now. So maybe in a month or so I will start asking to be called by my chosen name. I think that is fair.

Also, someone passed on a link to my blog to the powers that be. Just let me say, HI!! Thank you for reading! If you have any questions, you know where to find me and I will be more then happy to answer your questions. After all, this is my blog and my life. Who else is more qualified to answer then me?

I have spent sometime with my new buddy, "M" yesterday and today. He gave me some great advice on how to go about the name change. Not near as hard as I thought. Which is nice. He also gave me advice on how to change my drivers license and how to change the gender on my license.  I will have to wait until after surgery to change the gender on my birth certificate. I am very excited! Of course, once all that is done, I will have to change my name on everything. Bank accounts, credit cards, apartment, insurance. The list seems endless!  I also met another trans guy today. "J" is a friend of "M" and a little closer to my age. So his input and advice is valuable. They gave me advice on testosterone shots versus gel. The effects of testosterone on an older person. As much as it pains me to say it, I am older. I have an appointment with the doctor they see so I won't have to explain anything to her. She can actually help answer my questions. I feel comforted by that. Oh and "J" has a beard I am so envious of! I know it will take a while to grow some facial hair but I am so looking forward to it! Thought I would start with a 5 O'clock shadow and go from there.


The more I think about it, the more I realize this is something I have to do. I was willing to settle before but now, I can't. I have to follow through. If this is the only thing I follow through in this life, then I can be proud of that. I finally have the courage to be who I was meant to be. And regardless of what others think or say, I am going to do this. I have to do this.  Almost like my life depends on it.

I happen to be watching a show on a transgender teen. Amazing. I wish I had the same opportunities at that age. She started living as a girl at the age of 6. 6! The self confidence! The strength! Her parents and siblings fully support her. So very cool.

So. The answer to what is going on is.... Life. My life. That is what is going on. And it seems to be going just fine.

Bro code article # 35

A bro never rents a chick flick.


Saturday, January 5, 2013

Good friends and family

So here I sit at Chrissie's house. At the dining room table. Chris is beside me, playing on her computer. Gary, the hubby, is in the living room playing World of Warcraft. The kids are still sleeping I think. Though they could be awake and in their rooms playing on their computers. Such as it is in a household full of computers geeks.  The dog is napping somewhere and the kitten has now disappeared. Probably on some adventure where she is chasing dragons and leaping tall building in a single bound.

I am finding myself very comfortable here. I have only been to Chrissie's twice before but her house feels like home. I think it is because Chris and I have been friends for 34 years.

Yup. I said it. 34 years.

We were 10 years old when we met. I didn't like her at first. She was friends with "the other one" first. Then Chris and the "other" one had a fight and Chris and I became friends. The rest is history. I spent so much time in her house across the street. It felt a lot more welcoming then my house. Dad was still drinking back then and I always felt on edge at home. And even at 10 years old, I felt different then my sisters. Like an outsider. But at Chris's house, I felt accepted for who I was. I think all of us kids that hung out at her house felt the same way. That's why we hung out there. It was a safe haven for kids.

An hour or so later......

She is downstairs right now. Singing. She plays that "Second Life" online game thing. And she sings in different clubs in there. She has a great voice. I love listening to her sing. Her voice reminds me of her Mom. Makes my heart happy. To know that Chris is still singing. She even gave me a shout out and sang me a song. I love my friend. A geek in the best sense of the word.

And family. I stayed with my aunt and uncle in Sherwood Park for the night. My Aunt is the Queen of  subtlety tell ya.  Asked me what I thought of the trans gender woman in the Miss Universe pageant. Nice one Auntie E. Real smooth.  But it did open the dialogue about what I am doing.

The response was great! Though they said they would have a really hard time calling me Dustin, I would always be welcome and they love me no matter what. and to be honest, that is enough for now. Maybe my thoughts will change and I will insist on being called by my chosen name. Maybe they will come around and do it on their own. But for now, it is enough.

The trip to the hospital was an adventure. See. I have GPS on my phone. And normally, it works really well. Getting me right where I want to go. This time though, it had a brain fart. I was close to the hospital. I knew that. But it sent me in the wrong direction. When I tried re routing, it still sent me in the wrong direction. I stopped. Turned off my phone. Turned it back on. Got back into the GPS and the fucking thing still didn't know where it was. So I stopped and asked directions. I knew I was close. Sure enough, I found it the old fashioned way. The guy on the street.  I made it just in time for my appointment. Stupid phone GPS.

The appointment went so well. I am so stoked that the journey is finally on it's way. The first and second steps are finished. Now it is all forward motion. so excited!! I do need to get on the legal name change asap. I also need to make an appointment with my doctor to find out what BC Medical Services requires for surgeries etc. it sounds like it will be a lot of paperwork and trips to Edmonton. It is so worth it though.

I talked with an associate of Dr. Warneke first. He asked me all sorts of questions. About my childhood. What I was like as a teenager. What school was like for me. Who I get along with better, men or women. What my relationship with my parents and siblings was like. The rest of my family. work. All sorts of stuff. It felt good to talk to someone who was really there to help me. And Dr. Warneke was awesome too. Just a little old guy. But so understanding. and thoughtful. I felt safe talking to them. Like I wasn't going to be judged.

So after the appointment, as I was leaving the hospital grounds, I tried the GPS again. all I needed to do was get out of the city. I knew I could get to Edson and Chrissie's house no problem. This time, the thing did great! Even when I missed a turn, it re routed itself and got me back on track. So I am thinking it doesn't like the address of the hospital. Who knows. We will see what happens next time I have to come.

I forgot my Bro Codes at home. So I will have to leave you with this little gem.

You're a real tough cookie with a long history, of breaking little hearts like the one in me.