Thursday, September 29, 2011

My birthday

So today is my birthday. The big 4-3. Don't feel any different. Not even older. This past year has had a lot of up and downs.  More ups I think. Well, the last few months have been up anyway. There was Pride in Prince George. That was more fun then I could have ever imagined. Chris asking me to be a groomsman. That's pretty awesome. And even though I went back to Saskatchewan for my Grandma's funeral, it was wonderful to see my family.

The only really big downer is the fighting with my sisters. I have managed to piss them off. Again. This has been going on since we were kids. And I'm tired of it. I am not going to play into the games anymore. And if that means I have to change to do that, well, that's what I have to do. Hopefully I will end up a better me.

I'm tired of being angry at them. And tired of having them mad at me. I know that I can't control how they feel. But I think something can be done. I mean, all I can be is honest right? Speak my mind. And if that pisses them off, I guess I piss them off.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Becoming Oliver

I have strange yet oddly familiar thoughts running through my head lately. It is a combination of flashbacks to childhood and wondering why I didn't have a penis and newer thoughts about transitioning to male.
I know right? Seems weird to me too. It's something I have thought about on and off most of my life. I never really thought it was an option for me. It wasn't until a meet a very special person that I realized it is something I can pursue. I have met a few strong and proud butches and Trans men in the last few years. They have become my heroes. I love to listen to their stories about their journeys through life. And I understand and can relate to their struggles as well. It's nice to know I am not alone. And actually watching Chaz Bono's documentary on transitioning and then seeing him on dancing with the stars, being so happy and proud, has been a huge inspiration to me.
I am thearpy right now. Not for this issue but I am sure it will come up sooner or later. There are a few other things I feel I need to work on first. One step towards my journey of self discovery is to break out of my shell. Be more social. Be more comfortable in my skin. and one way I thought I could do that is by becoming a drag king. Performing a lip syncing show in front of real people. It scares the hell out of me at the thought of it sometimes but I also feel empowered. I thought my name would be Oliver Clothesoff. :) Not bad eh?
So, I guess that's it for the first blog. I don't think I will be posting everyday but as often as I can. Come along for the journey. Won't you?