Sunday, February 23, 2014

Life in a nutshell

So many things going on.

First off, my one year of Real life experience was on the 21st. I went to my doctor before that and got things rolling for all my referrals. He also dropped my testosterone dose a little bit. Apparently I am at the upper level so it is time to dial back a little. Instead of 100 mg every week, I am down to 75 mg. So far so good. I am not noticing any changes. But then, it has only been a couple of weeks.

I shaved my face for the first time too. Not that I had that much facial hair but my " Billy goat gruff" whiskers under my chin were getting out of control. And the side burn on the left side was looking a little scraggly. So I shaved. I have whiskers growing again. Slowly but they are there. My face was itchy afterwards. I did use after shave balm. It felt weird having a smooth face again. I kept trying to play with whiskers that weren't there. I am hoping they will come in thicker and darker.

There was some good news in the family as well. My nephew, Booger and his wife are having twins in July. That will make 5 kids for them. Good thing they are young and energetic. HAHA!
There is some not so good news as well. But I don't have permission to discuss it here so I won't. I just wanted to acknowledge it.

I am now fostering a dog for a friend. Abby. She is a German Sheppard. 9 years old but plays like she is a puppy. Loves the snow. It has been a big adjustment for me. I have to get up earlier to feed her and take her for a walk. Then another walk at lunch time. When I get home from work and then before bedtime. Also some play time in there as well. Thank goodness I live close to a school yard. Lots of space to throw the ball for her. She is not used to having to pee and poop while on a leash but she is getting used to it. She walks on the leash really well but isn't very traffic smart. So we are working on that. And she is nervous around people she doesn't know. Otherwise, she is very calm and quiet. So very smart. Even the cats are getting used to her. Fidget is in love with Abby. Monty is trying to figure out how to play with Abby. And Bean isn't hissing anymore and will be in the same room with the dog now. I guess that is all I can ask for.

Now onto a few personal things.

I seem to be going through something I can't put words too. I don't want to be touched. My skin feels weird. I am so uncomfortable in my body right now. I have no sex drive. I am feeling the need to hide away when I am not at work. Which is why Abby is so good for me right now. She won't let me hid away.
Anyway, my mood hasn't been the greatest. I am pushing people away. Reverting into myself. Which really isn't new. I do tend to do this once in a while but it seems amplified this time. Maybe because of my transition. Maybe because of other things. I don't know. I just know I feel scared and weird in my skin. I am trying to deal with it as much as I can. Trying to find words to describe what I am going through is hard. I just know that I have to keep fighting for myself. Everyday is a new day. And everyday I look for something good and happy. I have too. Because if I don't, I really will lose my mind.

I seem to have missed placed my Bro codes. So I will leave you with this little nugget instead.

Rah Rah Rasputin. Lover of the Russian queen.