Sunday, February 26, 2012

For you Birdman

So rather then getting whipped by a wet noodle about the head and face by Birdman, I figured I should write a little something down. He hates it when I miss a week.

And yes Chris, I only write once a week. My life is not interesting enough at this point to write more then that. Later, I'm sure it will be.

OK. So we last left off with the housework. Yes. It all got done. I even cleaned out the litter box. A gross job for sure but really, it needs to get done. The fun thing about housework is that there is always more to do the next week. I will not bore you with the details of it here.

So onto other things.

I did hear back from the doctor in Edmonton I was referred to. It will be the end of March before they see my referral and then maybe up to a year for an appointment. (insert sad face here.) But I have been put on the cancellation list. Which is a good thing. I am feeling more positive everyday that this is the right path for me. I just have to keep doing what I am doing and things will be OK.

I got my raise at work. I didn't even have to go through the 3 month review thing. I was just told I got a raise and now go back to work. I guess they are happy with me. I know I really like my job. Well, except for the being on call part. Not liking that much at all. Don't get me wrong, I get paid for my call outs but most of them seem not to be that urgent. Like, really? You couldn't wait till Monday to come in for a pair of gloves?  We need to start charging a call out fee.

What else? Oh. I met a wonderful lady on POF. "R" seems really cool and funny and nice. She has a great smile. She is a year younger then me (No. I am not telling. We have been through this before.) Lives in Victoria. Has 2 teen aged sons and 2 dogs. We have been e mailing for a couple of days and started chatting on messenger. So we will see how it goes. I like her so far.

That is my life in a nutshell right now. Nothing really that interesting going on. But stay tuned. I'm sure there are more exciting things just around the corner!!

She wore a raseberry beret. The kind you find in a second hand store.


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Domestic Bliss

That's what I am doing today. Domestic shit. Laundry. Vacuuming. Cooking and stock piling meals for the future. Spaghetti sauce, chili and Spanish rice. MM MM good.

I still need to clean the bathroom and do one last load of laundry. But because I have been hogging the good washer and dryer today, I figured I would let others in the building have a chance at them. Ain't that nice of me? I thought so.

It's been a pretty good week. Even though working out got a little off track. But T and I will be back at it tomorrow. I missed it. Work is going well.  I have my 3 month review coming up on the 21st. I feel it will go well. Yes. I have made mistakes but not big ones. Been sick a couple of times but then, everyone got sick and had to take different days off work because of it.

I had dinner and lunch with Chin this week too. It was a good time. He is a great guy. Has lots of great stories to tell and a great sense of humour. We didn't go looking at thrift stores this time so Chin didn't pick up the used underwear we seen last time.

T and I geeked out last night and went to see Stars Wars episode 1 in 3 D. It was amazing!! The pod race was so cool in 3D! I loved it! I remember seeing Star Wars Episode 4 in the theater in 1977. I think it was a classmate's birthday party.  All I really remember is being in awe of the big screen and the special effects. So cool.

I have been engaged in a furious poking war with my bff M and her sister's B and S. Hee hee! B S. So, far, I think I am winning. Though S says she is going to tell on me to her mom. But I'm not scared. (Well, maybe a little) But she started it!!

As you can tell, I am in a fairly up mood this week. I like it. I do still need to call and follow up with  my doctor on my appointment 3 weeks ago. I am tired of waiting. I want to get started. I want my life to start.

*The story has taken a turn for the worse*

So I took a break from writing on Sunday and never got back to the blog. It is now Wednesday and things have not been going well. Though today was much better.

Here's what's happening.

I called my doctor on Monday. Only to find out that I had been referred to a psychiatrist in Edmonton. So maybe not such a bad thing. He is one of the top shrinks in the country when it comes to treating trans people. I think what got to me was that I have a psychiatrist in town. And this new one is 8 hours away. And I would have to be "diagnosed" with "Gender Dysphoria".  That can only be done by this doctor in Edmonton. Or Vancouver but Edmonton is closer.

It's not that I was expecting everything to happen at once. I knew I was going to have to wait. Being "diagnosed" with something bugged the hell out of me. Like there is something wrong with me. It's been proven that being transgender is NOT a psychiatric issue. It's a medical issue. But that's besides the point. My point is, and I do have one, is the lack of answers I was getting. I realize that the staff here can not know all the answers.But at least direct me to a webite or something. "I don't know" doesn't cut it. This is my life we are talking about.

So, after venting to M and T and talking with my friend, J , by bedtime I felt much better. Well, maybe not much better but a little more calm. Last night I got a call from my psychiatrist  as well. Which surprised me. I guess my frantic calls to her office struck a cord. She asked me a great question. Why is it so urgent for me to do this now? Imagine being lost. Then all of a sudden, finding the path out. Wouldn't you be running to find your way home? That's what it feels like for me.  I just want the journey to start.

I was also told that I would have live for a few years (not sure how long) as a male in order to get surgery. Unless I pay for it on my own. My thought on that, I'm already living as a male. I do not protray myself as female. I do not dress as a female. I don't walk, act or talk like one. I have been preparing for this my whole life.

Today, I called the doctor in Edmonton. Well, his office anyway. I was told there was a 3 to 6 month wait for his office to even call me about the referal. Then it could be another 3 to 6 months beofre I am able to see him. Quite disappointing to say the least. The people at the office were quite helpful though. when I asled about resources available and what I can do here to prepare for the appointment, steps I can take here, before I see him. The nurse is going to get back to me. I feel good about that. 

I made a few new connections as well. Thanks to a couple of friends of mine who forwarded webites to me. I emailed questions and those emails were forwarded and now I have a few people I can ask questions and get the answers I am looking for.

Really. I just want to get to where I am going. Where I was meant to be.

Soon. I must remember to be patient.

What's love got to do with it?


Sunday, February 5, 2012

It's rant time.

So I was driving the other day. Minding my own business, trying to get to the track to walk with T. When the truck in front of me started slowing down. Slower. Slower. We get to a corner and he/she just stops. I'm sitting behind him/her wondering "WTF?" when all of a sudden, the signal light starts blinking.

ARRRRRRRRGGGGG!!! Nothing is more frustrating to me then people who don't signal before they turn!! Signal lights were installed for a reason people!! Use them!! At least half a block BEFORE you intend to turn.

And another one, speeding through school zones and park zones. Do you realize there are children around these places? And sometimes kids run out on the road without looking?

And drifting through stop signs? Really? REALLY?

And the amount of people I see still talking on their cell phones and driving! I admit, I was guilty of it before the law came into effect. But I have tried very very hard to talk and drive. I bought a wireless blue tooth for my truck. It works awesome! I only really turn it on when I am driving on the highway. Because in town, I can always pull into a parking lot to answer the phone.

And excessive speeding. I HATE that! Yes, I speed but never more then 10 km over the speed limit. And it depends on road conditions. If it is snowing and blowing, or raining, I slow down. I don't go blowing by people at 160. When I do pass, I wait until it is safe to do so. I can't even count the amount of times I have had to ride the shoulder to let some moron, who is in such a big hurry, he can't wait for the passing lane 2 km ahead, go past me. 

Whew. I feel better.

This stuff has been on my mind for a long time. I have always meant to write about it but because this blog is call "Becoming Oliver", I didn't know how this post would fit in. Then I realized, this rant is also a part of me. It's how my mind works.

I am a little worried that once I start my testosterone shots, that my anger will increase. I was told by my shrink to make sure I keep seeing her because emotions can run rampant. I expected that. I think being aware of it will be a good first step.

OK. Rant over.

I love a rainy night


Saturday, February 4, 2012

Hi. It's me again.

Well. eventful couple of weeks. I worked my first Saturday and was on call for the first time at this job. I ended up having 4 call-outs. So it wasn't too bad. Of course, one call was during date night with "T".  But I guess that is part of the job.

I also had an appointment with my doctor. We talked about my wanting to go on testosterone. He admitted he knows nothing about the hormone therapy I want. He did seem a little surprised at the research I had done into transitioning.  He promised me to look into it and get back to me. Tuesday with be 2 weeks since I have seen him so I will call and find out of he has anymore information.  Through my wonderful friends, (you know who you are!) I was given some information and links that I gave my doctor. I also found out there were 2 doctors in town that do hormone therapy. I have no idea who they are but I also forwarded that info to my doctor. So hopefully things will start moving soon.

I also went to see my shrink this past week. It went better then I thought. It felt more like a conversation then me just talking about stuff. I felt I had more feedback this time. we talked about the "break up with "Miss W". and my plans to transition. She asked me a lot of questions. Which is good. We talked about surgery. Both top and bottom. Top being removing my breasts and bottom being getting a penis. I have thought a lot about both. As much as I would like one, I know getting a penis is something not possible. Not to have a functioning one anyway. Better off to keep what I have. Top surgery though. Lots of thoughts on that. Basically, I haven't made up my mind yet. I am willing but I'm not sure if it's necessary right now. I just want to start on the shots and see where I am later.

I think Dr. J was impressed with what I knew and what I had researched so far. And that I was able to articulate myself and my feelings on this. Lord knows I have spent a lot of time thinking about it and talking about it to various friends. I'm just glad that this appointment went well. I don't have to try and break in a new shrink.

I was texting with Birdman and Mrs.Birdman the other day. I guess the plan is to rent tuxes now. I smile every time I think about it. I am so excited!! With the weight I have lost so far, I think I will look hot in a tux.  I have to send my measurements to Mrs. B by the end of February. But, hopefully by the time the wedding rolls around, I will have lost a few more pounds.  So excited!!

I know there was a lot more rolling around in my head today. But it seems to be gone now. Like it dribbled out the back or something.  If  I think of more things, I'll be sure to come back and let you know.

Rumour has it, she's the one I'm leaving you for