Sunday, September 30, 2012

The best birthday EVER!!

It started at 8 AM with text messages from various friends and family. I even got messages from the "unspeakable" ones. I slept for a while longer. It was my birthday after all. Tasha said I was allowed to sleep till 11 AM and I took full advantage of it.

At the proper time, I got up and a long, hot shower. I love those kinds of showers. Just relaxed under the stream of hot water and felt all the stresses of the week wash away.  Ahhhhhh. So wonderful.

At 12 PM, Tasha picked me up and we stopped at a local coffee house for a wonderful latte. I love me a good latte. I miss Cafe Europa in Dawson Creek. Such wonderful service. Wonderful coffee. It was so relaxing to sit in the cafe or at the tables outside in the sunshine.

Anyway, back to my story.

We started driving towards Charlie Lake. By this point, I had it narrowed down to a new tattoo or a pedicure. Sure enough, we turned into the driveway for a local spa! I was so excited! Turns out it wasn't just pedicures, we were getting massages AND facials!

Needless to say, this boi was over the top excited!!

I know what some of you men might say. "That is pretty girlie thing to do. Real men don't get pedicures or facials." Guess what? You are wrong! Lots of men do. And trust me, once you have a decent pedicure, you will be sold on the idea. Your feet feel WONDERFUL!! And as for a facial, everyone needs to take care of their skin. Period.

I had the massage first. Felt wonderful! It wasn't like massage therapy. This was a lighter touch but still felt awesome. It was a full body massage with hot towels. So relaxing. She even massaged my fingers and my head. We all now I love having my head massaged. I could hardly get up from the bed, I was so relaxed.

Next up, was the pedicure while Tasha headed in for her massage.

Now, I have had a pedicure before. While I was on my cruise to Mexico. But this felt better. She massaged my feet! I have said for years that I would marry the first woman who gives me a decent foot massage. The lady doing mine was already married. Bummer. Anyway, she rubbed and scrubbed and exfoliated my feet. She put moisturizer on them and paraffin wax. My feet were like baby feet by the time I was done.

Next up was the facial. I have never had one before so I wasn't sure what to expect. I lay down on the table, covered up with a sheet and she put something over my eyes to block the bright light. Then she ran the "Zit sucker 2000" over my face. It sucks your pores clean. It was pretty cool. Like a tiny vacuum on your face. Then she started with various goopy stuff and hot towels. It felt pretty good too.

Then, after we were finished, we headed back into town. Tasha dropped me off at home so I could relax for a few minutes. I headed over to her place for a fire and weenie roast. She made made potato salad and macaroni salad. My favourites! We roasted some weenies and had a few laughs.

All in all, it was the BEST birthday EVER!!

It's a new year. With all sorts of wonderful on the horizon. I am looking forward to it. I haven't felt this way in a long time. So positive and strong. Been a long time coming that's for sure.

Out in the hall, there's a cat fight, it's just after midnight. Guess I'll be all right.


Sunday, September 23, 2012

Hello. My name is.....

Dustin Carnell.


I love that movie! Let's see how many of my followers can name that movie!

I am having a typical Sunday. The Saskatchewan/Calgary game is on, the fur kids are sleeping in various spots around the apartment and I am avoiding housework.

Yup. Just another Sunday at home.

I am really looking forward to Grey Cup this year. I think because I am planning a little party. It shows real progress for me. Admittedly, the people I have invited are all close friends and people I trust. But then, why would I invite people I don't like to my home? Seems silly to me.

I will have to clean the house that day.

I bought a Grey Cup jersey from Safeway last week. Have you seen it? It is pretty cool! I am getting my name on it. So sweet!! I really do think that "H" should buy one for "L".

Just sayin.

I ran into a couple of people I knew from my former life yesterday at a local store. They were my ex's step nephew and his wife. Apparently, there is great discord in that family. Worse then mine. It seems almost that whole family is falling apart. There has been money lent and not paid back, gambling out of control, insults flinged around, a married couple having to live with a family member because they are so far in debt, they can't see the light. A grandchild that won't know the grandparents because of a petty issue.

So pretty much the same thing that was going on 7 years ago when I left.

I am so glad I am out of that. It made me sad to hear about it but at the same time, a huge sense of relief that I am where I am now. I know my life is not perfect by any means. But I pay my own bills, support myself and though I am not speaking to my sisters, I am on speaking terms with the rest of my family.

I really do wonder what kept me so long in that relationship. The first 4 years anyway. I guess I had little to no self esteem to think I could do it on my own. That I could meet someone better. That I could be happy. The second almost 4 years was because I couldn't leave while my mother in law was dying. As unhappy as I was, I couldn't do that to my ex. I had enough respect for her for that.

I, of course, figured out I am so much better then that.

Yes. I am taking the high road on this. I can't feel sorry for a family full of co dependence and people who always, ALWAYS blame others for their issues. They own up to nothing. They will back each other up in the lies and deceit they dish out. It is scary. Not one of them is allowed to make a mistake and then figure out how to fix it on their own.  They will bend over backwards to "save" each other when all they are really doing is digging the hole deeper.

I can only feel happy that I am no longer in that cesspool. And I am glad that not everyone related to them think I am some horrible person because I finally left. I had the balls to stand up and say no more and leave. No one in that family is ever going to be truly happy until they learn to live their lives.

OK. Maybe I am a little bitter. Who wouldn't be? One woman who went out with my ex before me, used to steal from the family, beat up the ex, cheated on her. But because that one likes to drink and party etc, she is or was back in the fold. I guess like speaks to like.

Makes no sense to me. None at all.

Onto happier things.

So the two women I was emailing with. One has kind of disappeared off the radar. The other one and I have been texting and there was even a short phone call on Friday night. I am hoping we will talk again very soon. Maybe even today. She is funny and seems very nice. Outgoing. Which I think I need. Someone to drag me out of my comfort zone once in a while. So I guess we will see.

The game is getting interestng so I am going to go and watch.

He was the ghost of a Texas ladies man.


Sunday, September 16, 2012

The week. As I see it.

I am not sure what my problem was this week. I felt grouchy at everybody. Especially at work. At my supervisor. His voice grates on my last nerve. Every time he opens his mouth, I want to kick him in the baby maker.

Maybe I wasn't getting enough sleep. Maybe I just need to get laid. Maybe it is both. All I know, I am starting to get a bit antsy.

I keep talking about a weekend to Prince George. I should just go. I am so totally due for a road trip.

I met up with an old friend from high school yesterday in the grocery store. It was so awesome to see her. Sometimes I forget about the people I did get along with in high school. There were a few who I shared laughs and good times with. Claire was one of those. We had an acting class together. She made me feel accepted. Anyway, we chatted a little bit and caught up on the anything new since we last seen each other. Her dad just passed away. I gave her a hug and really felt her pain. Seems that a lot of my friends are losing a parent lately. Not a happy thought at all. Makes me realize my own parents aren't spring chickens anymore. Thankfully, they are in good health. I thank the angels for that.

 I was telling Claire about my thoughts on transitioning. I am still amazed at the fact at how people are so not surprised about it. It is a lot like when I came out. "What took you so long?" kinda thing. Was I really so transparent as a younger person? Did I really think I was fooling anyone with my "straight" act? I guess not. The decision the transition was a lot like when I came out. A huge relief. Now I don't have to pretend anymore. The mask is off.  Whether I go through with transition or not, just admitting that it is a possibility for me makes me feel better.

(Sorry for the interruption but Holy Fuck! Do I ever make good chili!!)

I am taking steps now to try and get my mind and body to match. Maybe that is all I need to do to keep sane. For now anyway. Maybe things will change in the future. I guess only time will tell.

My friend Chris over at had his one year blogaversary this past week. I am so proud of him. His writing has improved so much over the year and I really love going back and reading some of my favourites. There was the video blog from the cocoon. And the one on a local paper that blasted a council woman for performing in drag show for charity. His words to me in that one made me cry. Again. He has done that to me a few times. Little bastard.  You folks should check it out if you haven't yet. I warn you, really nothing is sacred with him. He goes after anyone and everyone. Sometimes it's in a good way, sometimes it's not. But I promise he will make you think about things a little bit differently.

I have managed to meet a couple of women on line. All we are doing right now is e mailing and getting to know each other. It's fun and a great distraction of my reality. But who knows right? Sometimes you have to put yourself out there.

I have been practicing my drag king act. There might not be much of a show this year but I am hoping they can squeeze me in. Along with my friend Ryder. I need to start shopping for my charactor costumes. I won't tell you what it is going to be. But I will be post a video after I perform.

I am pretty nervous about it. I may need to have a drink or two before I get up there. Just to get a little brave. I am not much of a drinker so I will have to be careful to not drink too much and be drunk on stage. That would be bad. Besides, hangovers suck. Really suck.

Ok. that's about it. I need to clean the kitchen now that I am done my cooking duties. And have something to eat. All that cooking made me hungry.

Don't roll your blood shot eyes at me.


Sunday, September 9, 2012

Random Randomness

I know.  I know. I skipped a week. But I have a really good excuse. Are you ready? Here it is.

My parents stopped to visit on their way back from Alaska.

For those of you who are regular readers, you know how much I love my parents (though they drive me crazy with the nit picking at each other.).  I was able to spend the day with my mom again. It was lovely. I didn't even mind being subjected to the baby shower for Stinker.

I really don't like baby showers and will try to avoid them whenever possible. It is the same with bridal showers. I am just not girly enough to find those kinds of things enjoyable. I went to this one, because I love my niece with all my heart. And it was a chance to see and hold Stinker again. Though my mom held him most of the time. He didn't seem to mind. There is something special about Mama.

Of course, hanging out with my parents meant hanging out with the older one. It was a huge test for the words my new shrink gave me "You can not change the thoughts and actions of others.". There were many deep breaths and a few cringes but I managed to be civil.

The new Doc handed me a few thoughts to mull over before I see her again. One was why do I go out of my way to be nice to "strangers" (I.E non family members)? I guess my answer to that is my friends are my chosen family. But I am nice to my family members. Just not the other two. Just because we grew up in the same family and shared some of the same experiences, does not mean we have to be friends. Our perceptions of our "shared" childhood are different and as such, we grew in different directions.

The twin thing came up again. I tried to explain why I hate being a twin. That closeness is not something I craved when dealing with the other one. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be an individual. I know I was born a twin but it does not have to define my life. I hate being referred to as "the twins". I am in my 40's now. I am little too old for such a childish moniker. I hated being dressed alike as a child. Especially if it was dresses. I never liked my given name. I was teased about it alot. There were many fights about it with neighborhood kids.

I have sometimes wondered if being gay and/or being transgendered is more about being different then the other one. It is not a pleasant thought. Really. But it is something I have considered. Then I realized that I love women. I mean LOVE women. Those of you in the "know" will know what I am talking about. From the first time I kissed a woman, I was hooked. And I will be forever grateful to her for opening that closet door for me. It was already cracked open but she let the light in.

This past Friday, after my appointment with Dr.G, I hung out with H and L. And H's friend F. Who is a hottie! MMM. Tasty. And yes H. You can tell her that. LOL We chatted, laughed, went for awesome Indian food. (For those of you in the Peace area, check out Curry Etcetra in Pouce Coupe. Awesome food and great service!) We then dropped F off at home and headed back to H and L's. Where H gave me a haircut. Shows great trust on my part as we all know how vain I am about my hair. She used electric clippers and did a pretty good job considering she was half corked.

*We interrupt this blog to inform you that 2 of my cats are going crazy on cat nip. It is really funny to watch. Resume blog.*

After sitting on the deck, enjoying the warm evening, I came home. With a wonderful feeling of friendship and companionship and feeling of acceptance. And it made me think on what Dr.G and I talked about. Non family members or my chosen family, tend to be more accepting of me. Not to say that my family doesn't love me or accept me. Because they do. I feel their love reaching me through the distance. But my chosen family is here. Not far away. Plus, my chosen family have fewer memories of me to overcome. Those family members that are having a hard time with me and my life and my decisions, it is OK. Really. I can not control the thoughts and actions of others. I only ask you be respectful of me. I ask that if you have any questions, please direct them to me. I am best one to answer them after all.

So I made the decision to not have a relationship with the older one or the other one. I can be around them and be civil but I do not to be part of their lives like they don't need to be a part of mine. I still have great relationships with my nieces and nephews and their kids. I still have great relationships with my aunts and uncles and my vast amounts of cousins so to have one with my sisters is a non issue at this point.

So, as you can see, it has been an eventful 2 weeks. A lot of thinking and a lot of laughter. No tears though. And that is a good thing.

Stay tuned for more of my life. Such as it is.

I am 32 flavours and then some.