Sunday, July 22, 2012

Life or something like it.

Before you start in on me, yes I know it has been 2 weeks since I have posted anything. You have to understand that it takes time to process things in my little pea brain. And translating those thoughts to words is sometimes very hard.

So, now that I have that off my chest, let's start the blog shall we?

Duff still isn't home. It's been about a month now. I think I have to admit he has been kidnapped by aliens who were passing through our universe. They stole him because of his steel grey fur and fabulous puffy tail. And because he looks so cute yoga sleeping.

  And of course, there is the whole sock pile thing.  Really? How could you not love a cat who loves the sock pile?

The other two cats have been keeping me well amused. Bean is my lean dancer. She stretches out incredibly long. And with her colouring, it looks like she is wearing pantaloons. She is also my little groomer. There is a spot on the top of my head that tends to get a lot of attention.

Ain't she cute??

And who could forget Fidget? She is all black and almost as wide as she is tall. She is a mighty hunter. Worms. Leaves. Dead bugs. Yes. With Fidget around, I don't have to worry about starving.  She is also vocal. I can have a conversation with her.  When she talks though, it sounds like you are pulling her tail hairs out one by one.  She also doesn't like jumping up on anything. She prefers to claw her way up. The couch. The cat pole. The bed. My leg. I have put the cat food up so she has to climb to get it.

See? As wide as she is tall.

OK. Enough about my cats. It is not helping my case that I am not the crazy cat person. I just love my furkids is all.

Oh. I do have to mention that one of them, (Bean I believe) brought home a mouse the other day. A live one. And let it go in the apartment. Then promptly fell asleep. I ended up having to buy mouse traps to catch it. Which I did. 2 cats in the house and I have to buy traps. *shakes head.* Stoopid cats.

I have been a bit (a lot) of a home body lately. Seems like when I am done work, I just want to come home and stay home. Even on the weekends. Last weekend, I didn't even go outside. I wonder why that is. I have always been a bit of a home body but this seems extreme. Maybe I will talk to my new shrink about it.

Yes. New shrink. I broke up with Dr.J last month. I have an appointment with a new one in Dawson Creek on August 8th. Hopefully, we will get along and start making some progress. Dr.J , of course, called me to "talk" about why I want to see someone else. I didn't want to tell her that I think she was making things worse or that she totally offended me. I told her that it just didn't feel a connection with her. That I didn't feel like it was working. And I am taking a pro active approach to my treatment. She sounded offended. Oh well.

I know I still need help. Not just with my transgender issues. But with a lot of things. One thing Dr.J did mention was co dependence. So I am reading a couple of books she recommended. Not sure if they are helping but I figure it couldn't hurt right?

I still haven't heard from the shrink in Edmonton. The gender specialist. On one hand, it pisses me off. But on the other hand, it is a good thing. It is really making me re think everything. There a lot of side effects with being on testosterone. More then I thought. I know about the hair growth etc. But there are some that scare the hell out of me. Aggression. Cancer.  And surgery. Whew. That's a big one. The cost alone is huge. Let alone how invasive it is.  Do I really need to put myself through that at my age? I know there are older people who have gone through it and going through it. I guess what I am trying to say is my gender was not something I really thought about. I ignored it as much as possible. I think what made me realize that maybe I didn't need surgery or injections to be who I want to be is my trip to Birdman's wedding. There, I was Dustin. Just Dustin. No questions.

I think I need to take a big step and talk to my parents. And talk to my boss. And let him know what is going on with me seeing a shrink. And to try and get them to call me Dustin. Or even Dusty. If the "maleness" of my name is too much. My folks is the hardest one. Mom already mentioned she didn't like the new one. I tried to tell her that I liked it and it suited me much more then my birth name. I don't think she understands. In fact, I know she can't. It might be too much for her.

(Time out. The Blue Jays are playing. It is bases loaded with none out and we are at bat. I'll be back.)

OK. I''m back. It is 14-7 for the Jays against the Red Sox. we scored 3 runs. Woo!!

Back onto topic. I may just have to accept that Mom and Dad will never see me for who I want to be. I will always be "Yvette" to them. The hard part for me is going to allow them to do that. And try not to cram it down their throats.

On a happy note, I seen an old high school friend in the grocery store the other day. She introduced me as Dustin to another person. My heart soared when she did that! Lew, I love you my pal! It was the first time in Fort St John I have been introduced as Dustin. It felt awesome! I felt accepted.

Even with all these things going on in my head, I feel like I am in a good space. Well. A better space anyway. I have my apartment set up in a great way. I actually have extra seating now. So I am planning a little Greycup party. Yes. I know it is not till the end of November. But having an apartment full of people is something I have to build myself up to. It's not like the old days when I was a medic and would invite a bunch of my medic pals over for a night of drinking and debauchery.

Actually. It was only two nights of debauchery. But what great debauchery it was! Remember Tracey?

That will be another blog post.

I promise.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

What is on my mind?

What isn't on my mind. I'm just not sure where to start.

My cat, Duff, disappeared a week and a half ago. That is not like him at all. He always comes home and checks in with me. But nothing. Gone. No sign of him anywhere. I have checked with the neighbors. I checked with the SPCA. I posted ads on line. Nothing.

I am totally heart broken. I miss him so much! So do Bean and Fidget. I can tell. He is an awesome cat! Steel grey with yellow eyes. He likes to yoga sleep. Half upside down with his front legs over his head. Need a visual? Here you go.

He is also my sock monster. For those of you not familiar with that, I will explain. From the time I rescued him from an ex girlfriend, he has been fascinated with my socks.  Fresh socks. Out of the dryer. Even if they are not warm. He buries himself in the sock pile and purrs and rubs them on him and just looks happy happy happy. Need a visual? Here you go.

Can you say bliss? I knew you could. 

I miss my boy so much. I want him to come home.  Really.

Really. How can you resist that face? My handsome little furry man. I come home everyday expecting him to be here. But he's not. (Imagine the sad sad face I have right now.)

On a happy note. I went to Beaverlodge last weekend to see Myrna and Elsa and Willie. As it turns out, her sister Sherry and hubby Ted was there too. Along with the kidlets, Anna and Wyatt. Oh. And the furry one, Lola. We were missing Jordyn though. She was visiting other family. We missed her a lot and made sure we called and chatted with her.  It was an awesome family weekend.

On a crappy note, I had no hot water Monday night. Turns out there was a leak in the boiler room. No biggie right?


Guess where the water leaked into?

That's right boys and girls. Into my apartment. Again. My closet floor was SOAKING wet. Again.

Because I have been through this before, I didn't have much on the floor to get wet and ruined. But, because the water seeped so far under the carpet and underlay, I had to lift my bed and move it out of the way. And have no room to lay it down. So I have no where to sleep until the carpet is dry and the experts come to fix it.

Thank God for Tasha! I am now staying with her for a couple of nights until my place is back to normal. I have no idea what I would do without her. Once again, she has saved me.

I have voiced how displeased I am about the continual flooding of my closet. Needless to say, there will be some compensation for this. Especially since this is not the first time it has happened. And not the first time I have mentioned to them that maybe they should do something in the boiler room so when a pipe does leak, because they do once in a while, rather then the water draining INTO my apartment, the water drains INTO the drain. What a radical idea!! Here is hoping they actually get it done this time.

Anyway, I am off to Tasha's for dinner and a sleep over on the couch.

Singin' in the rain


Monday, July 2, 2012

The Game

Today, we are going to talk about my trip to Skydome.

Yes. Skydome. It will never be Rogers Center to me. It will forever be Skydome.

And I also want to say how happy I am that it is now the Blue Jays again. Not the "Jays" with that stupid angry bird looking logo they had.

My heart fluttered when I seen this for the first time. Even now, 3 weeks later, I get a huge grin on my face thinking about it. It was a dream come tryue for me. I have said for years that I could die happy if I could only see the Jays play in Skydome.

Well. I seen the Blue Jays play. And they won. Against the Phillies. WOO!

Anyway, more on that later.

When my cousin and I bought our tickets, she told the girl behind the glass it was my first time at a game. And how excited I was about it.  The girl was so happy for me, she even agreed to get her picture taken with Melvin.

 Ok. So it's not a great picture, but you get the idea.

We were early for the game so we walked all around Skydome. That was cool! It looks HUGE! But walking around it didn't really take that long. I bought a few souveniers and we waited for the gates to open.

Finally they let us in.


Walking into the Dome for the first time. There are no words to describe the feelings I was having. Remember, this was a dream come true for me. Ever since the Jays moved into Skydome, won the World Series there, I have wanted to go. I honestly thought I never would.  I could have cried when I stood at the top railing and looked down onto the field.

It was everything I dreamed of and more..

Do I sound like a geek? I don't care. This was my dream. Is my dream.

We watched batting practice and I was this close to catching one.

Oh and I should mention that we were sitting the second row up from the third base line. :D

Here are some more pictures I took.

The flags and the JUMBOTRON!!!

The dome was open because it was a beautiful day.

Can you tell by my smile how happy I am to be there?

There was over 28,000 people there. More then the population of Fort St.John. How cool is that?

My cousin has more pictures but I have to wait till her son downloads them. "D" is not smart when it comes to that sort of thing. I will post another blog when they send them to me.

Ace the mascot, rockin' the air guitar.

Melvin!! In Skydome!! OMG!!!

Ok. So that is it for today. 

Take me out to the ball game.....