Saturday, March 17, 2012

Saturday morning musings

So here I sit. Enjoying my wonderful coffee. Thinking about the dreams I was having last night. The different thoughts rolling through my head lately.  It's been busy in my head lately.

I dreamt about my grandmother last night. All I really remember is that she had just passed and the family was gathering at a cabin to get ready for the funeral.  I was a man in the dream. And some members of my family were ignoring me. Not just not talking to me but acting like I didn't exist at all.  There were other members of my family that just treated me like they always did. Accepting of me and who I am.

Then my phone buzzed at me because of a message.  I, of course, because it is Saturday morning, I went back to sleep.

I started dreaming again. I was back at the cabin (I should point out, I have no idea who's cabin it was because I have never been in a cabin that looked like the one in my dream.) It was grandma's funeral again. My sisters were there. Ignoring me. - which is fine. But they seemed to have forgotten it was my cabin. They were treating it like it was theirs. Inviting people I didn't know into my home and then cooking my food and feeding these people. I remember being very angry.

I think at this point, Duff walked across my head to wake me up so I could feed him.

I went back to sleep. Why? We have been over this. It's Saturday morning.

I was back at the cabin again. Kissing a beautiful woman in the kitchen. I love those kind of dreams. After I was done kissing the unknown beautiful woman, I went into what I can only assume was my bedroom to clean out a closet. I found a lot of girly clothes. And a high school jacket that I seem to have modified to show my love of Melissa Etheridge and not my high school. There was also blankets and stuffed toys.

Then Duff took another trip across my head so I decided to get up. Probably a good thing.

I know that what you actually dream really has nothing to do with what they really mean. But this one, I think it might say a lot about what is going on in my mind right now. 

I also had a tooth pulled this week.  It hardly hurt at all. Really. It was good. The dentist even fixed my chipped, discoloured tooth. My smile looks great now! I have to go back in a week and get my wisdom tooth pulled. Finally! No more toothaches!

I have been chatting a lot with Miss "R" as well. She makes me smile alot. I really like her. But then, we have never met. Since she lives in Victoria, it makes meeting hard. I really like her though. We haven't actually had a phone call yet. We chat on yahoo or text. She mentioned a Skye call one day soon. I would really like that. I haven't told her about transitioning yet. I'm trying to feel her out a bit first. I'm scared that she will reject me if she knows. I know I should give her more credit.  I hate being this uncertain about things. Fucks with my confidence a lot.

My job is going really well. I look forward to going to work everyday. Not many people can say that.

I am also on Twitter now. I fell for the hype after a few friends of mine started tweeting. Twitting? whatever. If you are interested, you can follow me there as well.
   Dustin Carnell@DustinTCarnell
Can't say it will always be very exciting but who knows. Maybe one day I will get lucky and something interesting will happen to me.

OK. I need to get off the computer and get something done today. Cleaning, grocery shopping, scooping the litter box. I can hardly wait for warmer weather so the cats can go poop outside.

Nothing compares, nothing compares to you.



  1. I'm going to go on my twitterer and find you, and you had better be funny, or else. I'm really glad that you like your job, they seem like a nice bunch that work there.

  2. Thinking of you today so I thought I would stop by and say "hey."
    Love ya - Rimbey