Saturday, May 12, 2012

So I know a guy,,,,

When I first met this guy, I honestly thought "This guy is an ass." But the more he talked and the more I listened, I realized he was actually a pretty cool guy. He was just out spoken about what he believes in. And I respect that. When he loves, he loves. When he hates, he figures out why he hates. He is open minded and willing to change his mind if he learns why he should. He is smart and funny and if I was straight, I would say he was pretty cute too.

I've known this guy for 10 + years I guess. He walked into the store I managed one day and has been in my life ever since. Even when he moved back east, he still called to talk. He called me whenever he was back for work or just texts me to kick my ass to write another blog.  He asked me to be a groomsman for him in his wedding this summer.

Yes. I am talking about Birdman.

He told me once, after I talked about my desire to transition, not to use him as a role model. He is way too in touch with his feminine side. I disagree. I think if I do become a man, I will use him for a role model. He is strong, and truthful, funny, smart, loving, dedicated and so many other things. He has been a great friend to me. I am proud to know him and feel so privileged to be in his wedding.

He also writes this amazing blog at  You should check it out.

I miss him. His laugh, his smile, his hugs. Hell. I even kissed him one day.

Does it sound like I'm in love with the guy?

I admit it. I love the Birdman. But I am not "in" love with him.

I have something else on my mind as well.

Why do people automatically assume that T and I have feelings for each other? Is it because I am gay? If I was straight, no one would even question our commitment and love for each other. Just because I am gay, does not mean that I am "in love" with every woman I know or am friends with. I have never had any feelings for T besides those of friendship. T and I have been through so much together. Her family is like my family. They treat me as I am one of their own. T is an amazing woman that I can't imagine not having as a friend. And to all of you people out there who think different, fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

I am not some kind of predatory lesbian. That hits on every woman I meet or see. Yes. I am a flirt. I do not deny that. But I flirt with everybody. Women and men. Harmless flirting designed more to puff the ego then to land someone in bed. Everyone flirts to a degree. But it seems that gays get the bad end of the stick. Especially gay men. I know a lot of gay guys. And no self respecting gay man will try and pick up a known straight guy.  They may flirt. But that is not the same as trying to get someone in the sack. In fact, most gays, men or women, are not predators of any kind. The ones they show on TV are crazy fucks. They get all the press because it is sensational news. There are millions, MILLIONS of other gays out there that are normal. They are young, middle aged, old. Some are married, some aren't. Some have kids, some don't. Just like straight folks. I was happy to see that Obamba endorsed same sex marriage. Even though North Carolina outlawed civil unions. I just don't see what the big deal is. All those folks who say that it will demean the sanctity of marriage, do they realize how many straight marriages end in divorce? How many straight marriages have cheating spouses and child abuse? And just how sacred is marriage when they have a TV show about a man with 3 wives?!? Really? But they won't allow gays to get married?

I just don't get it.

I had an email from a friend of mine the other day. Asking me about the local gay community. I had to admit that I don't hang out with the "local" gays. I think I pissed someone off and I have been voted off the big gay island. Do I sound broken hearted about it? No. Do I sound pissed off about it? Yes. So much for being open minded. I have been told that all I need to do is reach out and pick up the phone. But I don't see anyone picking up the phone to call me. When my depression got really bad, I tried reaching out and talking to people about it. They said, "Oh yes. We will be there for you." So. Where are they now? I now have 1 gay friend in Fort.St John that I like to hang out with. Even though neither of us manage to do that very often. (Hi A!! Loves ya!!) But it's OK. We understand each other. I know that right now, I can pick up the phone and call her if I need to. And I hope she knows that about me as well.

I actually prefer to hang out with the crew from Dawson Creek. Awesome folks there. (Hi H!! And K and X!) They are much more relaxed and fun. I am sure there is drama there as well. But I never see it. And I don't hear about it through the grapevine either. So who knows. I just know, that I feel more welcome there then here. It's the same with Prince George. (Hi J and Z!)

So why am I still in Fort. St John? Because believe it or not. I like it here. Yes. I think about moving but for now, this is where I am comfortable.

And on that note,

Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?



  1. I love you too. Thank you for the beautiful words. That means a lot to me. Two weeks, buddy.

    1. My pleasure.

      And it's 20 days till I fly in.

      Not that I am counting or anything.

  2. loves ya too D!