Saturday, April 13, 2013

And the beat goes on,,,,

I have moved.

With the help of an all girl moving crew, the move went quick and smooth. My heartfelt thanks go to all girls who moved me.

The cats are settling in nicely. Bean is finally not being quite so twitchy. She did not do well with the move at all. Monty, on the other hand, is loving the new place. He sits at the top of the stairs and stares down on us mere mortals in the living room. He also likes to race me up the stairs. Probably because the food dish is up there and he thinks he is STARVING to death. It will be nice when I can finally let them out. I do have to wait a while yet. I don't want them going back to the old place. Fidget is still fat. She runs about 3/4 of the way up the stairs then stops. Gives a big sigh then slowly continues on. Poor fat little Fidget.

Ah yes. The old place. The place flooded the week before I moved out. From the spring run off. Thank goodness I had my stuff in the closet up on pallets. That was because of the flood in January. When I did my walk through after I moved out, the smell was awful! They said I was going to be charged for not cleaning the bathroom and kitchen. I got a little mad about that. I told her that the whole apartment needed to be re done because of the various floods over the years. I don't even want to think about how much mold is in that place.  As I posted on Facebook, I didn't realize how much I hated it there until I moved. There is so much light now! And I have my own door!! I don't feel ashamed to have friends over. Though I have been told it is a bachelor pad. But then, that is what I am. The final furniture placement is not yet complete. I may move things around to try and open it up a bit more. I am really looking forward buying a BBQ and grilling me some steak!

My shots.

They are going really well. I have given myself 3 shots. The first, I just stabbed myself with no hesitation. The next two, I had a hard time. I am not sure why. I still did it but I held back. Maybe, for the next one, I will go and see H and see if I am doing something wrong. Besides, it will be a good excuse to visit with them and baby E.  I did ask H if it was OK that I didn't bleed very much when I injected myself. She said it was good thing. Ideally, there should be no blood. So the fact that there is very little, is a good thing. I am injecting into the right spot. I really want to up my dose though. I need to make a doctor's appointment and find out when I can do that. Plus, I need to go and get blood work done before I go to Edmonton in June. I am really looking forward to that trip. For many reasons. One of which might be the chance to see my Rough Riders play!

I don't really feel any different. I have been watching myself and paying attention to what my body is telling me. I haven't really noticed anything beside my breasts losing some firmness. It could be from the testosterone. It could be from the binding everyday. Yes. Everyday. For at least 8 hours a day. I have found a binder that really works for me. It is actually a belly binder. But it is all elastic. I can tighten up pretty good. Flattens those puppies down pretty good. I pack almost everyday. I like the looks I get. The confusion. The questioning looks. I have been called Sir and Maam all in the same day. Like they have to call me something. And rather then not assign me a label, they pick one. Same with gender pro nouns. Is it a "he" or a "she"? I just don't know! Like the guy at the laundry mat I was talking to while folding my clothes. We were chatting away about different things. And in the conversation, I mentioned being called Uncle. He looked at me a little funny then took off. I smiled as he walked away. One day, soon I hope, other men will look at me as one of there own.

There have been a few minor mood swings. But that could just be me.

See, here's the thing. I am passing as a male. I look male. I feel male. But my body is still female. So I have the same crap a woman deals with. It fucks with my head. There is a procedure I can have done that will stop that annoying little problem. I think it will make me feel better. It sounds awful but I think it will be worth it.

I watched a video on You tube last night. I know. Surprise surprise. This one was on female to male chest surgery. It was very graphic. It gives me an idea on what I am in for. I have heard about the surgery from others. I have read about the surgery and seen pictures but this was the first video that showed it in detail. It doesn't scare me. In fact, it made me want to do it now. I know that seems weird. I want to see what my chest will look like with these things gone. I want to be able to walk around with no shirt on in public. I want to show off my scars proudly. I want to shower and soap my bare, breast-less chest.

No. That is not a sexual thing. It is a human thing. I want to be happy with my body. I want to be proud of it. I want it to match the vision I have in my head. I need it to match. I can wait for MSP to cover the surgery. But it will take a long time. I can pay for it on my own but it will cost a few thousand dollars. So what do I do? Do I wait? Do I save my money? Right now, I am doing both. I am trying to save my pennies( and nickels and dimes and quarters and loonies etc) to pay for my surgery. At the pace the government works, I will end up paying for my surgery myself. And I am OK with that. It means I have better control over who does my surgery. I haven't really done any research into surgeons yet. I have time. But I will take any advice available.

The Bro Code Article #  51

A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs up or thumbs down.


1 comment:

  1. It will all work out the way it's supposed to. I hope it gives you what you want, or at least need.