Monday, May 19, 2014

A crowded mind

I had an email this morning from a friend of mine. She forwarded a question from a friend of hers. It was about how Transgendered people identify. For example, a FTM who still dates women, are they now straight?

Though it seems very straight forward, it isn't.

Something I have discovered in my journey as a Transgendered man is that gender, sexuality and identity is very fluid. And that a lot of Trans, gender binary, cis and asexual people hate being pigeon holed into a certain category.  They don't want to be referred to as a particular gender and some prefer to be called "they".

To be honest, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And I have done a lot of research on it. Because I am curious and want to know what the hell. Plus, I get a lot of questions. Like the one I was asked this morning.

Now, no offence to my friend who asked or to the person who asked her but, truthfully, it isn't anyone's business who any of us is attracted to. To assume makes an ass out of you and me.

So my answer to that question is, thank you for asking but truthfully, it is none of your business.

That is also my answer to whether or not I have had surgery yet. Or whether or not I have a penis. Or want a penis. Or how do they make a penis? Yes. I write about these things in my blog. Because it is kind of mass media. Faceless. It is not a single person I am talking to. I am talking to a nameless, faceless group of people. And I have made it quite clear that this is MY journey. Not every Transgendered persons journey.

I read a very interesting article on questions posed to Trans  people that non Trans people ask. One was about genitalia. Do you have a penis? Do you want a penis? Do you have a vagina?

Now imagine being asked those questions.

How do you feel? Uncomfortable? Offended? Pissed off? Do you ask these questions of non Trans people?

Why should it be any different for me? Or for any other Trans person? I certainly don't ask people about their junk. So why do you think it is OK to ask me about mine?

I do not hide the fact that I am a Transgendered man. I try not to announce it too loudly but I will not deny it. When I meet new people, I don't ask if they have had surgeries. I don't ask if they have the genitalia they think they should have. It's rude. And really personal. Seriously, if you are that interested in how surgeons make a penis or vagina, You Tube that shit. Trust me, there are a lot of videos out there on the subject. That is how I learned about it.

I am passing very effectively as a man now. Most of my co workers are using my preferred pronoun and all is good. Very few are using my old name. Just people who were friends with my parents and don't know what the scoop is. I am not going to tell them. But if they ask, I will explain. Will I talk about any surgeries etc.? No. That is on a need to know basis. If I don't think you need to know, then I won't tell you.

Your best bet when seeing me or meeting for the first time is to ask me how I am. And my answer will be I am fine. Happier then ever before. That is really all you need to know. The people who need to know about certain things know about them. You, as in the general public, does not need to know. And if you are still really curious and want to know, Google it. There is all sorts of info on Transgender people and transitioning.

Also, something else I want to clarify. I am Transgendered.

  1. denoting or relating to a person whose self-identity does not conform unambiguously to conventional notions of male or female gender

That is me. 

And I hate the word "Tranny". It makes me feel cheap. Some people don't mind being called a "Tranny" but I hate it. I identify as a Transgendered man. Not a gay Transgendered man or a straight Transgendered man. I am Transgendered.

As I mentioned before, there are many ways people are self identifying these days. Hell, I had to look up what "CIS" gender was. (If you want to know, Google it.) And I don't get why we have to split into so many categories.They say they don't want to be "assigned a certain gender" but then identify as "gender queer" or "asexual". Really? Aren't you just putting yourself into another type of pigeon hole?  It is all so confusing to me. Sometimes I think I might be just to simple to understand. Or maybe not informed enough on these things. I have never been very political. But I read a lot. And I still don't understand. There seems to be so much splintering in the LGBT community. I feel like I don't want to be a part of it anymore. My community will be my friends and family. Whether they are straight, gay, trans, or whatever. So long as we love and respect each other. 

I am living my life according to my beliefs. To make me happy. Not to make everyone else happy. I am not trying to be a poster boy for Transgendered people. I am not the information station on Transgendered issues. In fact, I am pretty sure my thoughts and attitudes differ from a lot of Trans people. I never have been and probably never will be an activist for LGBT issues. Not because I don't care. I do. But it is just not something I am interested in doing. I think the best example I can set is just by being me. 

All I am and all I ever will be is me. Just me. 

To thine own self be true, 



  1. It's important to ask questions, and to exchange information as uncomfortable as those questions may be (and hell yeah I've been asked a lot of questions an still am. If somebody asks me something in sincerity an love it's my job to answer it. There is no such thing as a stupid question, how else are people supposed to learn?) So thank you for your answer, it was very telling and very informative and pretty much what I thought. It's a personal issue, and everyone sees things differently. Thank you for being you. :)

  2. To be honest, I am tired of answering questions about transitioning. I am not the go to guy for all answers about transitioning. Really. Google that shit. There are lots of articles out there on being Transgendered. And I don't feel it is my job to answer a question I feel is too personal even if it is asked with sincerity and love. I have chosen not to answer lots of questions because I felt they were too personal. And I answered as honestly as I could.